Looking For Calm

Back home- back to thinking about the “to do list” what to make for breakfast, will Jamie feel better after his headache yesterday, how am I going to get my meditation in each morning with the list of things in my head?
I got the dog settled on the couch , so her very loud paws would not disturb my attempt to still my mind. I lit the candle and sat down for my meditation. Which one – meta, loving kindness, compassion, sound, heart, all the things about which Jack spoke last week are running together and feel a bit jumbled in my mind. I closed my eyes and began to think about my intention for this time … To be still and to listen to the sound of my breath and what is inside my heart. What did I hear: the furnace going on and a small rattle from within, a gentle rumble, the refrigerator making a noise, the dog rhythmically licking her paw a few times and making the noise when she opens and closes her jaws. My to do list entered in a couple of times – ugh I have to speak in church this morning, what time are we meeting our friends for lunch, and I thanked my planning, planning mind and listened in again for the sounds in the room. The rattle and hum turned off and I heard the tick tick of the clock on the wall, a few steps of my husbands feet on the floor upstairs as he began his morning stretches. A ping of my phone – turn off annoyed annoyed. I opened my eyes slowly and watched the candle flicker-thankful for the light, the flame elongated slightly and wavered 4-5 times and then diminished slightly … Ever changing – not consistent, what caused the flicker , a breath, a slight breeze … It danced slightly side to side and went back… I listened a couple of more minutes in the stillness to the sounds I am not sure I have really listened to before. I placed my hands together and said “namaste” thank you for this time and this space and this exploration. I am home.