Looking For Calm

It’s summer… I am on vacation and the daily stresses and busyness of the school year are less evident. Yet I am finding it challenging to “sit” and practice each day. Is taking a mindful few moments each day enough, or do I have to sit for 20 minutes a day?
When a therapist told me more than 20 years ago that I should meditate, she was probably right. But I wasn’t ready. I had this misconception that meditation should “look” a certain way or that I had to “do” it just right or I should “feel” such and such. Clearly there were way too many “shoulds” in my thinking. I am continuing to learn that there are mindful moments that I can take to slow and quiet my breath. There are sounds I can anchor myself to like the love calls of the mourning dove, the gentle crash of the ocean waves, or my coffeepot as it gurgles, hisses and drips its final ounce into the carafe. There are less appealing sounds too, someone honking at me after the traffic light has been green for barely 2 seconds, or my children bickering and pushing each other’s buttons for the fourth time of the day.
My awareness of the importance of “seated practice”‘is growing. I can tell when I have not practiced for a couple of days. I notice that my patience threshold , with my son who is anxious about junior high, is shorter, my mind is thinking, thinking in a more scattered way, and I can tell that I am less focused on the simple act of breathing in, breathing out.
The beauty of it all is that my awareness is growing. I am increasingly aware of the running commentary and the sometimes more “reactive” state of my mind. And I am okay with this. My learning on retreat and personal practice each day is an absolute and necessary part of the exploration. I need not to be too hard on myself when I skip a day, however, because we always have the freedom to simply come back and begin again. No “shoulds” required.