Looking For Calm

There is a Cherokee legend of Two Wolves that goes something like this:

“One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside of people. He said, My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil- he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance,  self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. He continued, The other is good-he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you- and inside every other person too. The grandson thought about for a minute and then asked his grandfather, Which wolf will win? The old Cherokee simply replied, The one you feed.”

Last week I was buying bagels for the kids for breakfast and I asked the young man behind the register how he was doing. He replied, “I am doing okay. Later I am going to the hospital to visit my mom. She has been really sick with cancer, they are trying to help her learn to walk again and relearn some of the things she can no longer do. She is staying at Georgetown Hospital so I can just go there after work ends today at 4.” I asked him if she had been sick for a while and he replied, “Yes, but she is coming home tomorrow. We have a home health aide that will help us with her care.” We chatted for a  moment more, I asked him what his mom’s name was and his, left the store and headed home. I have reflected back on this moment many times-hoping that this mother is doing better and grateful that she has the love and support of her son and family as she tries to get well. What in that moment made this young man share with me a story about his mom? Was it because we had taken the time to engage with one another, when easily we could have considered the moment transactional and quickly moved on with our day? It would have been quicker to pay for my bagels and rush out of the store. We can miss so many moments like these when we are too “in our heads” with thoughts or glued to our devices “being busy” checking, rechecking and rechecking our news feed, to do lists or schedules.

It is easy to feed the wrong wolf because we live in a world where we can get caught up in paying attention t0 immaterial things-the ones that do not make us feel particularly good or that make us feel wobbly and as if we do not have our feet firmly planted on the ground. We find ourselves n0t feeling as though we are enough, or that what we do is enough, or that we do not have enough at least when we compare it to what others in our midst are doing or have. I do not know about you, but I can spend 10-20 minutes mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or Instagram and come away feeling that my life does not measure up and that somehow it is lacking in some way. I am aware that this is a story that my mind creates and while it is the furthest thing from what is actual and real, sometimes I can get swept up in the story. Feeding the wrong wolf- too much thinking, overthinking, worrying, and being fearful can feed the wolf that does not make us feel as though we are complete. How does this happen? Why do we give air time to what is lacking rather than honoring what is good, real and true. One of my Mindful Schools instructors uses the phrase, “small moments, many times” which I love because it gives us the opportunity to practice small acts that make us feel good and in turn nourish the good wolf. These can be simple moments where we smile at a stranger, pick up a piece trash that isn’t ours, watch the sun completely disappear over the horizon, volunteer some time at a local service agency, offer a hug, listen to the sounds of children on a playground or stop in the hall to inquire and listen to how a colleague is really doing. Moments like these sustain us and in my mind create more space for us to try and live our lives tending to the characteristics of the good wolf: joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence,empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.