Looking For Calm

“YOU’RE SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME & ENERGY GETTING OTHER PEOPLE OFF THE SINKING SHIP INTO LIFEBOATS BOUND GAILY FOR NIRVANA WHILE THERE YOU ARE SINKING – & OF COURSE YOU HAD TO GO & GIVE YOUR LIFE JACKET AWAY – SO NOW LET US BE CHEERFUL AS WE SINK – OUR SPIRIT EVER BUOYANT AS WE SINK.”

I read Albert Saijo’s words and it brings to mind the work we do as parents and teachers to make sure that everyone and everything around us is running on 4 cylinders. When we finally manage to check in with our self and our own needs, we are often depleted and have run out of gas. This can often manifest itself in our getting sick, being cranky, flipping our lids more regularly, self medicating, feeling fatigued or even lonely and depressed. Why do we give our life jacket away before making sure that we are floating above the water line? Why do we spend so much time making sure things are planned to perfection? What would happen if we delegated more, if we gave some of our to do’s away to free up some space in our day. To do a couple of things that make us feel good, that replenish us so that we keep our tank above empty and so that we are not running on fumes. Could we for example, ask a colleague or group of them to take on something in our classroom or office that might lighten the load for everyone? Could our students take on more responsibility in our classrooms which would support their growing independence and desire to feel more grown up?  Might we consider having our children do more around the house? Laundry, setting the table, emptying the dishwasher, making breakfast, helping with dinner, or taking out the recycling. These are chores that I wished I had asked our two children to do with greater regularity at a much younger age. Sometimes it felt easier and more efficient to do it myself. And when I completed these tasks, it always felt as though they were getting accomplished according to my timeline. Childhood is not a timeline!  We must be willing to relinquish some control, when we are teaching young people to accomplish these tasks. I had a housemate years ago that used to reload the dishwasher after I had loaded it. I admit that I do not load the dishwasher with much precision-the dishes are rarely stacked so that the maximum number of dishes fits, but my efforts get the job done. When my children load the dishwasher after dinner, the pots remain in the sink almost always as if the food magically appeared on their plates without  requiring a pot or pan to cook it. I can let this frustrate me as I have many times. Or if I want them to wash the pots and pans, I need to teach them how. This is a small example but sometimes in our adult world, we forget that our expectations are high and perhaps even slightly out of reach for our kids. The same can be true in our classrooms, our offices and our homes. With practice  mastery comes, but rarely before failure and mistakes have been made. Saijo’s words, while written with more than a hint of sarcasm, serve as an important reminder. Not unlike the oxygen mask on an airplane, where parents are supposed to place the mask on themselves before their child, keep your lifejacket on. Even when it might feel scary or difficult for you to do. There are too many opportunities in life for us to sink-shouldn’t we at least give ourselves a fighting chance to float?