Looking For Calm

I remember during my second year of teaching, a psychologist came to our school for our professional development day, and he spoke about parent/teacher conferences. I was not a parent at the time, but one thing that he shared that has remained with me for all these years is this: “Parents are bringing to you the only child they have.” (they may have more than one but the conference is about one in particular). “They are listening to you as the teacher reflect and share your experiences about their child and offering you insight into their strengths and their struggles inside and outside the classroom in the school environment.” Hearing about their child can be a vulnerable and anxiety-producing experience for parents especially when you hear that things are not going as well as you anticipated. I did not have a full appreciation for this until I sat across the table from our son’s teachers and then our daughters beginning in preschool. We continue to sit in these chairs (they thankfully have gotten a little larger) as our son is almost 16 and our daughter is 14. But the fundamental feelings that I still get as we prepare to go into each conference are the same. I want the teachers to see the best sides of my child, I do not want my son or daughter to struggle even though I believe it is in the struggle that they ultimately grow. Frederick Douglass said, “Without a struggle, there can be no progress.” I feel that this aligns with what our head of school has been sharing with parents since the opening of school and what you share with them as well. Children need to fall down again and again and be able to pick themselves up without our inference. And even in those times when it would be simpler for us as parents/teachers to do something for a child, resist, because ultimately it is important for that child to go through the struggle-that is part of the process and with it comes the growth. We need to let children do things for themselves so that they can begin to develop into independent beings.

I know that preparing for conferences is a big task that takes a great deal of preparation and work. My hope is that this day for you is a good one and that you find courage for some of the more challenging conversations and that you feel heard in what you are sharing with parents. I have been so impressed with observing you with your classes, in  classrooms, the halls, the lunchroom, and on the playground. Whether you are a homeroom teacher, specialist or serve in an administrative or staff capacity, the students and their families are indeed fortunate to have you working on behalf of and alongside their children. Thank you for all that you do each day to make your school a safe and caring place for young people.