Looking For Calm

    Deja

    Posts “We’re all just walking each other home.” -Ram Dass It is with a heavy heart I write this. Deja vu came into our lives ten years ago next month. I found her on the internet and her picture melted my heart. I called Camie Beam of Church Mountain Kennels to see if she was…

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    “We’re all just walking each other home.” -Ram Dass

    It is with a heavy heart I write this. Deja vu came into our lives ten years ago next month. I found her on the internet and her picture melted my heart. I called Camie Beam of Church Mountain Kennels to see if she was still available. We were looking to buy an adult dog because I was commuting 30 minutes each day to work and we knew how much work a puppy was. Camie told me that another woman was interested in Deja but she would call me back the following day. Fortunately for us the call came and I will never forget how happy I was to hear that Deja was ours if we wanted her. I almost leapt through the phone with my “Yes.” We made plans to pick her up on Route 95 at a rest stop between DC and Harrisonburg, VA. Brooks was away at a conference and so the kids and I piled into our van to pick her up. Deja grew up on a farm so she had not been in many cars and she certainly had not heard the noises of the city.This dog has been with us through so much and for many milestones. Birthdays…dinners with friends…losing our dads…anxiety about school and life…walks on the beach (100’s of hours on the beach)…tears…snowstorms…card games in front of the fireplace…making friends…losing friends…hikes in the woods…graduations…visits to the Cape and Marblehead to see family…romps with Gracie and Tinker…turning 50…sunrises…full moons…walks on the beach at all hours of the early morning, MTABC evenings in the living room, trips to Hoffmans and Muellers- the list could go on.I have felt in my heart for a while that Deja was slipping. Miraculously 2 years ago she lived through surgery for bloat. We were lucky to have gotten her to the vet in time. Thank you South Paws and Kenwood Animal Hospital for your amazing care. Her balance across the last several months has diminished and she had more than the requisite old age bumps. There were a couple that had me worried. I knew however, because of Deja’s age, that I would not treat her if she had cancer. On Tuesday morning this week Deja had a good deal of blood in her urine. After going to the vet and having a radiograph and needle biopsy, Dr. Shaw confirmed my worst fear, Deja had a large mass in her bladder. We brought her home for the day and spent the afternoon in the yard together. The clouds parted and gave way to blue sky while we laid next to Deja, talking and reminisced about our lives with her. We Face timed Jamie in and Brooks gave both Deja and Scout a blessing. I made an appointment to take Deja to Kenwood and Dr. Ciampa would put her down. I have been with several dogs across my life when they have been euthanized and while it is excruciating, I believe wholeheartedly that it is one of the most loving and humane things that we can do for our animals. Sitting there with Brooks and Deja, so many memories came to me. And as I watched her take her last breath, I was so grateful for the love she has shared with the four of us and with so many. A dog’s love is pure and simple but profound. Their loyalty is like none other. Their willingness to listen and listen more is an example for each of us. I have profound gratitude for Dr. Shaw, Dr. Ciampa and the staff at Kenwood for their care of you on your final day.Deja- you have brightened my heart and been my most loyal, furry companion. You walked with me and alongside me during some of my darkest moments. You also celebrated some of our brightest days together as a family. I will miss so much about you and while Scout is keeping us busy, your loss is felt. I feel as though my right arm is missing. I am glad that Scout had a week with you and it was such a gift to watch you teach her with patience and love. Thank you for your snuggles (you were not much of a kisser- and saved those only for Jamie Hundley). Your big heart, big paws and unconditional love was felt by each person that you greeted. Between you and me, I always loved when Dad went away, because it meant you could sleep on the bed for the entire night. It brings me solace to think that you are somewhere bright and beautiful, with others we love and have lost. Heaven has gained another angel! I hope you are eating popcorn by the bucket, licking ice cream cups, and running on the high side of the beach. I will never ever forget you and you have left an indelible mark on my heart and in my soul. Rest in Peace with God my sweet friend. I will join you some day and look forward to giving you a hug and a pat.

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